Friday, February 3, 2012

Foot, Meet Mouth

Eek, I did a really bad thing tonight. One of the girls asked about laparoscopy, and without reading the rest of her post, I posted the following:

I really don't want to freak you out, but my lap experience was horrible. It is the worst thing I have done to date. I went into it thinking that it would just be minor surgery since the incisions were so small, and I was so scared about the HSG and that turned out a joke (for me .. I've heard horror stories from other people, which is why I was so scared to begin with and I hadn't heard horror stories from laps). The reason the lap was so painful was because they shove a breathing tube down your throat and because they fill you up with gas. It wasn't so much the incisions themselves, but the gas makes it feel like there's a ton of pressure on your shoulders and I was in so much pain (it also felt like I had broken ribs because it hurt to breathe). The breathing tube completely dried out my throat and stretched that magic hanging ball at the back of my throat (no idea what the technical term for that thing is) and I couldn't talk because my throat hurt so badly (sore throat x 1000). It took me about three days to even talk somewhat normally, but I could only speak in short bursts because I couldn't draw breath. It took me ten days to walk normally again. I showered on the third day, but I nearly passed out in the shower and my husband had to come in and carried me out. We had to change the incision bandages every day and that wasn't so bad (my husband changed it for the most part), but the whole experience made me want to cry because I was in so much pain, and emotionally it took a huge toll on me. I had no symptoms or reasons to do the lap whatsoever, but after 1.25 years of trying to conceive and nothing, my RE was at a loss and recommended it before IVF in January. I had my operation August 9th (that day will be forever ingrained in my head) and my first day back at work (where I could actually stay a whole day at work) was August 22nd. In the end, my RE found four tiny spots of endo, which she told me didn't explain why we weren't conceiving. I should probably have said this in the beginning, but everyone's experience is different, and I have heard of girls who could just get up and walk around a few days after. That just wasn't my experience. Afterward, I told my RE that I regretted it completely and wished I had never agreed to it (not to mention my insurance only paid 90% and I was stuck with a $1500 bill). It was also the reason I nearly left my RE. I know this all sounds scary and I really don't want to scare you, but for me, my cycles were always regular, never painful, nothing unusual, and in the end, I felt like it was for nothing. They do say that smaller people have a harder time with a lap than bigger people. In any case, I think if you go into anything expecting the worse, it will always be better than you think. I went into this thinking it wouldn't be that bad and had a very traumatic experience. Oh, and everyone who has seen my scar says it healed very nicely. If this is it healing nicely, I don't want to know what it not healing nicely looks like. It is really ugly and every time I look at it, I just feel incredibly sad. Also, IVF is used to bypass endo in many cases, so I just feel like it was a waste.

It wasn't until I had posted it (and I saw her online) that I went back to reread her post to make sure I hadn't missed anything and saw that she said specifically that she didn't want any horror stories because ignorance is bliss. I felt terrible ! I took it down immediately and sent her a PM. She responded the next day (whew) and said she hadn't read it. She had just gotten a BFN too so my timing was particularly bad. =/

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