Sunday, January 22, 2012


I am in completely shock and I can't stop crying. I was watching the Raven v. Patriots game (wtf btw, I feel so sorry for kickie guy) and I was thinking about this story my mom told me. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was eight down in Los Angeles (where we were on vacation). She told me that she felt such despair and depression that she spent a lot of time in bed afterwards (my father passed away 12/28). That year, the 49ers went to the Superbowl, and won. My mom is a HUGE 49ers fan and she watched the game from bed. When they won, my mom said that was the one thing that gave her joy and hope.

This year, I was joking with Chris that the 49ers would go to the Superbowl. It's a joke because even though they are my team, they have been far from Superbowl worthy in the past ten years or so, but shockingly, they'll be playing at 3:30 PM today to go to the Superbowl. I thought, sentimentally, wouldn't it be wonderful if I had a BFP and the 49ers went to the Superbowl and won again ? It'd be like a message down from heaven.

I crawled out of bed and POAS. It was my third pee of the day, so I figured that even though it would be blank, I could still have hope because my urine is probably just diluted and tomorrow morning, when I planned to test, would be the true test. I peed on it, watched as the dye spread across and it looked blank, and so I put it next to my bed and crawled back in bed.

Three to five minutes later, I looked at it again. I swore I saw a faint second line, but my eyes are really bad (I have 800/20 vision) and so I went into the bathroom and turned on all the lights, squinted, and looked again. I still thought maybe I see something, so I went back to the bedroom, turned on all over overhead lights, and looked again. I started to feel emotional.

I walked into the computer room, where Chris was playing LoL and waved my peestick in his face. He squinted (with his 20/10 vision) and said, "I see a line right here." I said, "No ! That's the dye pack." He squinted some more. "Okay, I see a line here," he said, pointing to where I thought I saw a line. My lip started shaking and I tried to hold in my tears. I said, "I see it too."

I tried to get a picture of it with my iphone but it wouldn't come up. Chris took a picture with his Canon Rebel T1 and you can see it a lot more clearly in there (but I don't know if I trust that since to my eyes it looks a lot lighter).

I called my sister, the only person I would tell in person this early in the game, and cried on the phone with her. She said, "I thought that might be why you called."

I don't know what to think. After eighteen long months, could this be it ? I'm in tears just typing this. Please don't let it be a fluke. We have wanted children for so long and I have never "worked" so hard for anything. I want to be a mother so badly.


  1. Emily I don't want to jinx you but I think you have a BFP!!! I am so happy for you. Also so nervous for Cindy (Vegan). I hope she gets a BFP so bad too. I am so excited and can't wait to see your results tomorrow.

    1. Thanks Steph, you are -so- sweet ! I am hoping that Cindy also gets her BFP also as I want it badly for her, and then soon thereafter, yours. <3